


Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Community: no_tags, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-07
Updated: 2012-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-31 00:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/338073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I think this is best summarised by the prompt:</p>
<p>Brendon/Spencer - puppeteers operating a pair of puppet roommates (think Bert&Ernie) on an adult mixed-cast TV show (think Avenue Q as TV episodes or Sesame Street for adults - crossed with Friends? or The Big Bang Theory? or something else entirely more weed-fueled and surfing-tastic?). UST played out through their puppet alter-egos would be awesome. As would other wacky puppet-related shenanigans. And I am totally open to as much of the rest of bandom showing up as your little heart desires!<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head

**Author's Note:**

> Written for no_tags 2012. 
> 
> Thanks go to my lovely beta Alpheratz. She did a stellar beta on this. Thank you, bb. <3
> 
> Dear prompter, I sincerely hope this is what you wanted. 
> 
> Title taken from a They Might Be Giants song.

"What do you think of the script ideas for next month?"

Brendon's jiggling his leg and the fast up-and-down movement is both mesmerising and annoying as hell. Spencer barely withstands the urge to put his hand on Brendon's knee and press down to keep him still. Brendon, he knows, will just start drumming his fingers on his thigh.

"Do you mean the grocery arc?" Spencer shrugs. "I think it's overdone, nothing we haven't seen before."

"No, I mean--"

Pete bounds into the room. "Hey," he says, drawing out the sound. Spencer's immediately on his guard. Whatever Pete wants them to do, Spencer can already tell he's not gonna like it. "How are my favourite puppeteers?"

Brendon stops moving and he looks at Pete cautiously. "What do you want?"

Pete clutches his chest and sinks down on the couch next to Spencer. "You hurt my soul," he says. "Maybe I just want to know how you're doing."

"Maybe you're full of shit," Spencer says.

"Maybe we've just known you for too long," Brendon adds.

Pete sighs. "You've lost your trust in the world," he says. "You two are but sad parodies of real people."

Spencer snorts.

"Anyway," Pete says. "So this weekend--"

"I'm busy," Spencer says.

"You're not," Brendon says. Spencer kind of hates Brendon. He also probably shouldn't have complained how bored he was last weekend, when Brendon had gone back home for some cousin's wedding. "Whose birthday is it?"

Pete grins. "William's kid," he says. "Dear Billy-boy tells us she's fond of dragons and princesses. You got dolls like that?"

"They're _puppets_ ," Spencer says.

"Yes," Brendon says. "Spencer even has like five different princesses. Don't let him tell you otherwise, he's fond of playing them."

"I hate you both," Spencer says. He just has to play the princesses because Brendon's idea of playing a princess involves too much giggling and there's much more to princesses than giggling and playing with their hair.

"Three p.m. on Saturday work for you?"

"Sure," Brendon says at the same time Spencer says, "No."

"Three p.m. then," Pete says.

"Why does no one ever listen to me?" Spencer says.

"Hey, we changed that entire plot because you thought the original storyline was 'oppressive and perpetuated outdated stereotypes'," Pete says. He's already getting up. "By the way, we're probably gonna move up the last scene--Ray's still fiddling with his lines."

"Oh god," Spencer says and slouches into the cushions. If Ray's fiddling while they're already in production, it's unlikely they'll be able to go home on time.

Brendon leans against Spencer. "Want to run the lines again?"

Brendon's warm and his shirt is soft and--Spencer stops that train of thought right there. "Sure," he says. "Why not."

~~~***~~~

This is how it starts:

One day Spencer notices a new flyer on the message board in Spencer's dorm.

  


  
_  


PUPPET MASTER WANTED  


* * *

  
Have you ever played with dolls? Ever wanted to? Here's your unique once-in-a-lifetime chance to do so:  
  
CALL 555-1234  
  
ASK for Brendon  
  
BE happy!  


_  
__  
---  
  
  


It's possibly the weirdest note Spencer's ever seen on the message board-normally it’s filled with stuff like “party in room 1205 Friday night!” or “lost my gloves, anyone seen them?” Up until now Gabe trying to find a group of people for a “spiritual walk in the desert to find the Cobra” was #1 on the list of strange things. But he calls anyway. His grandfather had owned a small puppet theatre and Spencer had seen him play dozens of times. And then his granddad had taught him how to move the puppets, how to mimic voices and how to write a play.

Spencer hasn't touched puppets in many years, but he's got some free time now and what can it hurt to just call and ask? He's a sophomore, and the novelty of college has worn off enough that he's often bored.

And that is how Spencer meets Brendon.

~~~***~~~

"I hate puppets," Spencer says, as he straightens up Jasper's collar. Gabe’s still getting dressed. Spencer is still convinced that Gabe should be wearing the same clothes, just as their puppets, but Gabe insisted that the human characters in their show would get to wear different outfits.

Brendon's already taken position with Juniper underneath the bar that hides them from view. He laughs. "Don't be so grumpy," he says. "I'll take you out to dinner later."

Spencer takes a deep breath and nods. Lately spending time with Brendon has been difficult. Spencer's not blind, so he's known that Brendon was attractive for years. Spencer's spent a lot of time carefully being not attracted to Brendon, but in the last few months it's become a near superhuman effort. Brendon's started to really work out and that, coupled with his natural inclination to lose his shirt at any possible moment, wore down Spencer's defenses. There's only so many times a drunk, half-naked Brendon can hang on to Spencer's arm and urge him to check out Brendon's new muscles without Spencer cracking.

So now Spencer spends a lot of time talking himself out of his attraction to Brendon. Brendon's an incurable flirt, and Spencer's not down with just being a quick adventure. Also, he has to work with the asshole. He spent five months carefully relaying messages between Brendon and Ryan until they got over themselves and finally started talking with each other again. Spencer can’t afford to let that happen with Brendon and himself.

Anyway, that's it. It's just a stupid crush and it'll end at some point, hopefully sooner than later, and then Spencer can go back to being best friends with Brendon without any stupid pining. He'll be able to hang out with Brendon without wondering _what if_. Spencer's looking forward to that time.

"You ready?" Victoria peers over the stage. "Gabe'll be along any second now."

"We're as ready as we can be," Brendon says.

"Does Gabe know his lines?"

Victoria glares at Spencer. "Do you know yours?"

"Don't mind him, he's cranky," Brendon says. Spencer hates it when Brendon speaks for him, even when Brendon does it to help him.

"I'm not cranky," he says. Both Victoria and Brendon ignore him.

"Gabe's coming," Victoria says. Spencer assumes his playing position. Given that he's one of the leads of this fucking show, no one ever shows him any respect.

~~~***~~~

Brendon takes Spencer to their favourite Indian restaurant. It's a hole-in-the-wall and it's run by an old Indian couple who treat Brendon and Spencer like their long-lost sons. They make the best curry.

"So what's got you in this mood?" Brendon takes a sip of his yoghurt.

Spencer shakes his head. "Just stressed," he says.

"So stressed you haven't read over those scripts, huh," Brendon says. His tone of voice is strange--half between a statement and a question.

Spencer looks up. "It doesn't matter, anyway," he says. He's kind of shocked at how listless and bored he sounds. "We'll hash it out during the next meeting anyway. Gabe will complain about how boring and uninspiring he finds his lines. Ryan will make bitchy comments about how nobody appreciates his genius. And then we'll go back to the same old stupid lines, anyway."

Brendon's quiet for a moment. "Wow," he says. He sounds subdued and unaccustomedly shy. "I didn't know that _The 3Js_ is that much of a bore for you."

The way Brendon sits, hunched over, his arms crossed on the table, makes Spencer feel pretty shitty. "You know what, don't listen to me," Spencer says. He has to fix this somehow. "I'm just tired. I need a vacation, that’s it."

"Okay," Brendon says. "Hey, did you get an invitation to the gallery opening for Lindsey's new exhibition?"

"Of course," Spencer says. "I'm pretty sure Gee hand-delivers all the invitations to our inboxes and checks if everyone opens theirs and RSVPs."

Brendon grins. "You might be right. You coming?"

"I'm also sure Gee wouldn't speak to me for a week if I didn't turn up," Spencer says. "But, yeah, I'm coming. I wanna see that big one, you know, the one Lyn talked about for weeks but wouldn't let anyone see."

"I'm still convinced that they'll smuggle in a few of Bandit's drawings among Lyn's, just for fun."

"Yeah," Spencer says. He feels a pang thinking about Gerard and his family. He's man enough to admit that he's jealous and envies Gerard. Lindsey and Gerard are always just so happy, and Bandit's a cute kid.

"Hm." Brendon rests his chin on his hand. "You taking anyone?"

"No," Spencer says. "Ryan's trying to fix me up with one of his friends, but I don't think I'm fit for human consumption at the moment. I'd bite the poor guy's head off while trying to make conversation."

"My head's still pretty firmly attached," Brendon says. He's grinning.

"Yeah, but you're already my friend," Spencer says. "I can't deal with going through all the stages of the mating ritual right now." He shrugs. "Being nice to someone just to get them to sleep with me is pretty shitty, too, and. I don't know, I just want my peace right now."

"I get that," Brendon says, but it sounds wrong. Spencer glances at him. Brendon's staring at the table.

But before he can ask Brendon, they get their food and somehow they move on to the latest movie releases and whether or not Ray will ever realise Ian's gigantic crush on him.

~~~***~~~

The third J, besides Jasper and Juniper, is Jeffrey, played by Gabe. It's a never-ending source of amusement to anyone on set, mostly because Gabe hasn't stopped complaining about the name at any point during the three years they've been on air.

"Your suggestion was _Jack_ ," Pete always replies.

"It was a testimony to and caricature of real life," Gabe says, and at this point Spencer usually leaves the room because then everyone starts trying to out-hipster each other.

The show's plot is less easily explained. Spencer's tried to do it for years, but so far Jackie's summary is still the best: "The puppets argue with each other, while Gabe's looking for the answer to life, the universe and everything."

And it's fun--or it was fun, but after three successful seasons, Spencer's not feeling the love anymore. The few arcs they've done so far have left him cold: a new girl, Janice (played by Greta), moved into Jeffrey’s building and Jeffrey's been trying to hook up with her; a hopeless undertaking. Juniper took up exercising and has been regaling everyone to how awesome she feels now; a parody of the exercise and health hype (it was the start of Brendon’s interest in working out, though). Jasper's being constant this season--Spencer can’t get any word out of Ryan or Ray or Dallon about what they've got planned and it's driving him crazy. In the meantime, he's so fucking bored that he loathes going to work.

~~~***~~~

Brendon's not good at holding a grudge--Spencer has told him time and again that he forgives too easily. Spencer expects him to forgive Spencer for being such a curmudgeon, but this morning at the script reading, Brendon doesn't sit down until the very last second. He still sits in his usual seat, though. 

"Hi, guys," Pete says. "This is the run-down for the next, uh, 3 episodes. We're gonna finish up that exercising arc--"

"Thank you," Brendon says. "I'm so done with witty quips about how much Pilates sucks. I wanted to go for surfing."

"Yeah," Frank says, "no way."

"You all suck," Brendon says. He leans against Spencer. "We are surfing gods, right?"

"You are," Spencer says. "I try mostly not to drown."

Gabe's whispering loudly to Pete, who cackles. "Yeah, but we're finishing that up. I hope everyone's read the new scripts, or Ryan will pout for the rest of the day."

Spencer gives Ryan his best "I helped you out with Calculus in your senior year of high school" smile. 

"Because if you haven't read it," Pete says loudly, giving Spencer a look, "you're fucked now because this is the time to veto shit. If I don't see any hands raised in five seconds, we're gonna do it and you can shove all your complaining up your ass, got me?"

Spencer shrugs. He's pretty sure that Jasper's arc won't start anytime soon because Ryan can't keep it quiet when he's working on stuff for Spencer. He sips his coffee.

The attention shifts to Brendon--except Spencer thinks _everyone's_ watching Brendon. Even Victoria, who was just whispering with Greta, is glancing at them. The atmosphere turns surprisingly thick and Spencer's confused. But the tension breaks just as quickly when Pete's five seconds pass and the usual chatter and noise levels of a production meeting resume

"Then we're gonna do the scripts as planned," Pete says. He sounds smug, which makes Spencer regret that he hasn't read the scripts. A smug Pete mean bad things.

Spencer looks at Brendon, who's studiously leafing through his notes. "I don't think we need to change any of the set-up," Brendon says. "We can do it in the apartment setting."

"Spencer, what's your opinion?" Pete tries to look innocent, but Spencer knows that look. He'll never forget the Del Taco disaster.

"Um, I agree with Brendon," he says.

"Obviously." Pete's grinning so hard Spencer's afraid he's gonna break his face. Patrick chooses that moment to elbow Pete in the ribs. Hard, if Pete's grunt is anything to go by.

"And then let's move on to the next item on our agenda," Patrick says. "Because we still got loads of work to do before we can get started on those new arcs."

The talk turns into a discussion if Juniper should get a blue yoga mat or a bright pink one. Spencer's itching to read the fucking script, but he's not missing how everyone seems to be watching him, just waiting for him to find out what kind of mess he got himself into.

Okay then, Spencer thinks. He can sit through this meeting, making up increasingly unrealistic worst-case-scenarios and then he can sigh, relieved, when he reads the actual script. There's a fifteen-minute break between the meeting and their first scene call, which Spencer intends to put to good use. Usually this means getting more coffee because damn, he does not give a flying fuck if Juniper should wear a headband. The bitch fight between Ryan and Patrick is worth watching, though. William brings up the discussion whether Greta should wear more green because it brings her eyes out. Spencer's sure William brought it up just to see Ryan and Patrick duke it out in public. Neither of them has anything to do with the clothes department, but their crushes on Greta are visible from space. Gabe's adding lazy comments just to add more heat. Spencer wishes they’d just get a move on and have a threesome.

_This is why people watch Jerry Springer_ , Spencer scribbles on his script and pushes it over to Brendon. Normally this is the best part of the production meeting, but today Brendon writes back only one line, without his usual doodles and flourishes:

_Read the script._

~~~***~~~

Brendon's not what Spencer expected, but they quickly fell into a friendship, and now Spencer wouldn't know what to do without Brendon. Spencer has to admit that puppeteering is a pretty unique hobby. Spencer's into building his own puppets and he's much better at it than Brendon, who likes to write and mimic voices, but can’t sit still long enough to glue stuff together. And there just aren't that many people who're willing to listen to Spencer ponder the advantages and disadvantages of chestnut vs. oak vs. elm.

It's been three years, and they are going to graduate in a short three months without any idea of what to do next. A BA in accounting is not what Spencer would call particularly fulfilling, but it's at least something that's going to get him a job. Brendon's convinced he'll never get out of having several part-time jobs to keep himself fed because the only thing he wants to do is being a puppeteer. Even in Los Angeles, there's limited demand for that kind of thing.

"So," Brendon says. "I have to ask you for a favour."

Spencer working on a puppet he's calling "attempt #3: please don't look like the thing from the swamp, too". He enjoys Brendon's presence and his steady chatter while he's carefully carving the wood. "Yeah?"

"There's this casting call," Brendon says.

"Brendon." Spencer puts down his knife. "Don't you think--"

"No, no, listen to me." Brendon stands in front of Spencer. "It's just the casting call, okay? I would do it on my own, I just think that my chances are higher if you're with me. Please?"

Spencer sighs. "Wouldn't it look weird if we came in there and you're the only one who actually wants to get the job?"

"Well, we wouldn't tell them that," Brendon says.

"This will totally go wrong," Spencer says.

"No, it won't, they'll love me and give me a job that makes me happy. You want me to be happy, don't you?"

And, of course, Spencer does.

And then when Pete beams at them and Patrick earnestly explains the terms of the contract to him, Brendon looks at Spencer and Spencer can’t back out. He still doesn't know whether that was the smartest or stupidest thing he's ever done.

~~~***~~~

The first thing Spencer does after reading the script is call Ryan. He's already five minutes late for call, but whatever, they can come and find him.

"I hate you," Spencer tells Ryan when he picks up. "I hate you and you're not my friend anymore and, fuck, why did you do this to me?"

"I take it you read the script," Ryan says. He doesn't sound the least bit apologetic or at least awkward. In the contrary, he sounds accomplished, like this is something to be proud of.

"Ryan," Spencer says and he's aware he’s screeching. "What is this fuckery? Couldn't you at least fucking warn me about an arc like that?"

"But then you would have vetoed it," Ryan says.

"Fuck yeah," Spencer says. There's silence on the other side. "Ryan," Spencer says slowly, "do you want me to actually come over and kill you?"

"It's just a story arc," Ryan says. "It's like five episodes."

"It's a story arc about how much Jasper's in love with Juniper."

More silence. Then Ryan laughs. "No, it's not," he says.

Spencer bristles. "It totally is--"

"About how much Jasper wants to fuck Juniper. We don't mention the L-word at any point."

But it's there, Spencer thinks. It's in every scene--Jasper watching Juniper make breakfast, them heckling Jeffrey together while Jeff gets ready for his date with Janice (finally!).

And then someone knocks on the door of the A/V room Spencer's hiding in. "I know you're in there," Frank says, "and I have permission to drag you onto set by your ears."

"I gotta go," Spencer tells Ryan. "I'll call you tonight and yell at you some more."

Ryan doesn't even reply, just hangs up. Spencer sighs. Frank bangs the door. "Easy," Spencer yells. "I'm coming."

~~~***~~~

Ryan and Brendon hook up about four months into the first season. Spencer's chosen to make them his standard example about office romance because they crashed and burned spectacularly. At times Spencer couldn't decide who he was angrier with. They both fucked up and spent more than enough time taking it out on the show, until Spencer put his foot down.

So that's what Spencer thinks every time he looks at Brendon and thinks _maybe_. It took months for Brendon and Ryan to start talking to each other civilly again. Spencer and Brendon are two thirds of the 3Js, Spencer can't risk the entire show. He can't.

But he still looks and wonders.

~~~***~~~

 

"Are you free tonight?" Brendon asks when they put away the puppets. "We have to practise for Ginny's birthday party."

Spencer wants nothing less than to spend the evening with Brendon. Spending it in the confines of their puppet theatre, which is just broad enough to fit the two of them somewhat comfortably, is pure torture. They got the story down pat, but it's been a few months since they've used the theatre and they need to make sure they won't bump into each other too much.

On the other hand, Spencer's only plans are to yell at Ryan and get drunk. And Brendon knows that Spencer doesn't have any plans because whenever Spencer actually has plans, Brendon's the first to know.

"Yeah, okay," Spencer says.

Brendon gives him a tentative smile. "You want to grab something to eat beforehand or order in pizza? I'm fucking starving."

"Pizza, I think," Spencer says. "We can call now and pick it up on our way."

"I love the way you think," Brendon says. They pass Gerard on their way out. "Bye, Gee!"

"Bye, you two," Gerard says and he's smiling at them indulgently. Spencer kind of wants to shake him and ask whether he's in on it, too. He can't help but feeling that the entire story arc is just a gigantic prank they're playing on him. He wouldn't put it past Pete. But Patrick would probably stop him.

"So," Brendon says, when they sit on his couch, eating pizza. "Did you read it?"

"I--yeah," Spencer says.

"What do you think?"

Spencer doesn't miss the way Brendon's playing with his beer. He wishes this whole inter-human interaction business was easy. Put a puppet in his hands and Spencer's good. But now he feels like he's treading in a mine field all the fucking time.

"It's ... unexpected," Spencer says.

"I'm surprised Ryan didn't tell you." Brendon's fiddling with the label on his bottle. "Like that time when they planned to give Jasper a boyfriend."

Spencer bites his tongue. He doesn't want to tell Brendon that he's fucking pissed off at Ryan. Ryan still has the BFF bonus. "I'm just as surprised," he finally says, the best response he can settle on. "But it'll be fun to play, I guess."

Spencer cringes inwardly. God, could he sound any more rejecting? His _fun_ came out flat and empty, like he's expecting to be subjected to torture.

"Yeah," Brendon says. He draws the sound out. "Um, I already thought about what to play for Ginny, and I think the lonely magician would be good."

Spencer blinks, taken unawares by the rapid change in topic. "Sure." He sits up. Brendon's hunched over, again, his shoulders drawn up high. Spencer thinks he has to apologise now, no matter what for, just to get Brendon to open up again. "Listen, B, I--"

"I'm gonna put this away," Brendon says. He gets up and reaches for the pizza. "You're done, right?"

"Yeah." Spencer watches Brendon walk away. A fucking mine field and right now it seems like Spencer's stepping on every single mine.

~~~***~~~

"Did you do something with your hair?" Jasper leans over. "You look different."

Juniper strokes her arms. "It's my workout routine," Brendon says in his falsetto. "I bought a new dress."

Spencer makes Jasper look Juniper look up and down. "Are you sure pink's your colour? You kind of look like a... a... fuck."

"CUT!"

Spencer can see Brendon looking at him, but he's carefully putting down Jasper.

"Hey, can we have a break?" Brendon asks Pete.

"You get fifteen minutes," Patrick says. "And, Spencer, read over your lines and make sure you really know them this time, okay."

Spencer falls onto the couch in their break room and closes his eyes. He feels stupid and humiliated. He hasn't fucked up a scene that many times since they started out and he was completely new to everything.

Something cold touches his chin and Spencer opens his eyes to find Brendon offering him a popsicle. "Something to cheer you up," Brendon says.

"Thanks," Spencer says. He takes the popsicle. It's cherry, Spencer's favourite. "Sorry," he says.

"What are you apologising for?" Brendon sucks on his popsicle.

"That scene, I just can't keep the lines straight."

"You know that Gabe ad libs shit all the time," Brendon says. "Or as Frank puts it, the fucking lines are guidelines rather than rules."

"Ryan hates it when people don't say his lines."

"Ryan also hates joy and puppies and kittens," Brendon says.

Spencer bumps his shoulder. "Do I detect a little bit of leftover frustration?"

Brendon bumps him right back. "Just try to get through the fucking scene, okay? It's the most boring one. Remember, you just insult me and my fashion sense. It's not difficult at all, you only got to be the most tactless and insensitive person possible."

"That's easy," Spencer says. "I seem to be that all the time anyway."

Brendon doesn't disagree.

"Sorry," Spencer says again.

"You know what?" Brendon gets up and throws away the remainder of his popsicle. "Next time you apologise, make sure you know what the fuck you're apologising for."

~~~***~~~

"How's Brendon?" Spencer's mom asks. He took Brendon home the very first Christmas after they met and Spencer's parents instantly adopted Brendon as their own child. It's both comforting and annoying as fuck.

"He's good," Spencer says. He's too tired to give his mom an actual update on Brendon. Telling her means generously editing what's actually happened. Mostly because Spencer's parents seem convinced that Brendon and Spencer are dating.

"Is he coming with you to Crystal's graduation ceremony?"

"I can ask," Spencer says.

"Please do." There's someone talking in the background. "Okay, sweetie, I have to go, your father reserved a table for us. Give Brendon our love, will you?"

"I will," Spencer says.

Brendon's parents only call on his birthday. He calls them on theirs. It's at least a step up from the icy cold that reigned while Brendon was in college.

But at least Brendon's always got Spencer's parents.

In hindsight, it's maybe not that difficult to understand why they think Brendon and Spencer are dating.

 

~~~***~~~

At least it's a Friday, Spencer thinks. They all go out after finishing for the day and Spencer tries to assuage his guilty conscience by buying a round. When he's cradling his beer, he has to concede that Brendon was right: he would probably feel better if he knew why exactly he's feeling so bad.

Brendon's sitting at the other end of the table, talking animatedly with Greta and Patrick. Spencer watches them for a moment.

"Okay, guys, that's it for me, I gotta get up early tomorrow," William says and throws down money for his share of the tab.

"Ah, the chains of family life," Gabe says and leans back. "Tell the Missus I said hi."

Bill ignores him. "Brendon said you could be at my house at 2.30pm to put up the theatre."

"Sure," Spencer says, although Brendon hasn't said a word to him. "We'll be there with bells on."

"Please," Bill says. "Ginny's been waking me up early every day this week to ask if the puppets are really going to come tomorrow. You can't let me down."

Spencer grins. "You can tell her that I would never disappoint a young lady."

Bill leaves and Spencer spares a glance at the other end of the table to see what Brendon's doing--only Brendon isn't there. He's at the bar, sitting on one of the stools and talking to a guy Spencer's never seen.

It takes all of Spencer's willpower not to get up or to ask the others who that is. He has to get over his stupid crush right now.

But of course his interest doesn't go unnoticed. "They're looking cozy," Victoria mentions. "Hey, isn't that the guy who already hit on Brendon last time?"

Half their table turns around to check out the guy. Spencer wants to die on the spot. Make it more obvious, people, he thinks. But he can't help it and checks out the guy himself.

"Yeah," Dallon says. "Rick or Robert or something."

Brendon's smiling, a real happy smile, he's not being cautious like he’s been with Spencer lately. Which is all Spencer's fault, he knows, but it still hurts.

Spencer takes a determined mouthful of his beer. Brendon can hook up with whoever, he thinks. It's none of Spencer's business.

Right. Spencer's still glancing at the bar out of the corner of his eyes. He's relieved when Brendon shakes his head, albeit still smiling, and comes back. This time he takes Bill's abandoned seat opposite Spencer.

"Collecting phone numbers?" Pete leers.

"Shut up," Brendon says, laughing. Then he looks at Spencer, his eyes still twinkling. "Did Bill talk to you about tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Spencer says, and he tries really hard not to sound disaffected. He thinks he must succeed because the twinkle doesn't go out of Brendon's eyes. "Wanna eat lunch beforehand?"

"But there'll be cupcakes at the party," Brendon says.

Spencer snorts, but he can't hide a smile. "If you think I'm going to deal with you all afternoon, hopped up on sugar and food colouring, you don't know me."

"Or maybe you know me too well," Brendon says.

~~~***~~~

The scene that makes Spencer unable to sleep is:

Juniper's looking at Jasper, but Jasper's making dinner and doesn't look back. Then Jasper finishes cooking and looks at Juniper, but she's settling the table. They have hardly any lines in that scene, it's all looks and aborted movements.

It makes Spencer wonder--has Brendon ever looked up? Was Spencer too busy convincing himself that Brendon's not interested, couldn't ever be really interested in Spencer, to look back? Could there have been so many missed opportunities that their friends took it upon themselves to make them see? Or does Spencer read too much into it because he wants to?

Spencer wants to ask Ryan. Fuck it, he wants to call _Brendon_ and ask him, but he doesn't. Instead he lies awake and thinks and worries. A tiny part of him _hopes_. Six more guys hit on Brendon last night, not that Spencer was counting, and Brendon turned them all down. That might mean something, but also might not.

In the end, Spencer doesn't get more than four hours of sleep and what was supposed to be lunch at Brendon's turns into Spencer's breakfast.

"Wow," Brendon says, when he opens the door. "I'll put more coffee on."

"Please," Spencer says. He feels like shit. Thankfully he can navigate Brendon's house with his eyes closed. He collapses on Brendon's couch. Driving over was exhausting.

"Dude, did you drink that much last night?" Brendon puts the mug with deliciously smelling coffee on the coffee table.

"No," Spencer says. "Just couldn't sleep."

Brendon hums. He puts his hand on Spencer's forehead. "Are you getting sick?" he asks. "We could cancel, you know. I think Bill would rather deal with Ginny's tantrum than have you get them all sick."

"Nah, I'm all right," Spencer says. He pushes himself up into a half-sitting position. "I was just ... thinking."

"Ah." Brendon settles down next to Spencer. "Must've been some pretty heavy thoughts."

"Kind of." Spencer sips his coffee. "Fuck, that is amazing."

"Don't try to distract me," Brendon says. "You, uh, wanna talk about it?"

This, Spencer thinks distantly, is his chance. Now he would be able to broach the subject, try a simple _what if, have you ever thought about the two of us ...?_ and know for sure. No more waffling about the subject, no more wondering, no more lying awake at night.

"Not yet," Spencer says. "It's--Jasper, y'know."

"Okay," Brendon squeezes Spencer's shoulder. "Whenever you're ready."

The disappointment of having flaked out (again) sits heavy on Spencer's shoulders and he feels it all afternoon. Only playing the theatre is a small respite.

"My hero!" Spencer as the princess exclaims. "You rescued my kingdom!"

"My lady," Brendon says and makes the magician bow. "The dragon will not bother you anymore."

The kids cheer. Fuck, Spencer loves doing these shows.

"You've slain the dragon!"

Brendon coughs. "No, my lady," he says.

"The dragon is not dead?"

"No."

Gasps. Spencer's sure they've all seen this story before, but the adults react just as much as the kids.

Spencer loves this princess puppet, it's his favourite. He makes her cross her arms. "Why didn't you slay the dragon? It was your duty to the kingdom, your quest!"

The magician shakes his head. "The quest was to rescue the kingdom," he says. "It wasn't stated anywhere that the dragon had to die."

"But now it will continue to breathe fire over our fields!"

"No. You see, it just suffered from a very bad toothache."

Laughter all around and Spencer has to grin at Brendon. Brendon grins back.

"A _toothache_?" Spencer's voice almost cracks at the end.

"Yes, a bad, rotted tooth. I pulled the tooth and now the dragon's feeling much better."

"And it won't breathe fire anymore?"

"No, my lady."

Spencer makes the princess throw her arms open. "My hero!"

The magician leans against the princess, and Brendon says in the calm, deep voice he always assume as the Narrator, "The king allowed the magician to marry the princess, as reward for his successful quest. And they lived happily ever after."

The curtain falls and there's a lot of applause with a few calls of "more" and "encore".

Spencer laughs and looks at Brendon. "Half an hour break, then more?"

Brendon laughs, too. "How could I say no to that?"

~~~***~~~

Maybe Spencer should just accept that he's desperately in love with Brendon and has been for years.

Or maybe the sky will turn yellow and pigs will fly.

Maybe.

~~~***~~~

They are all sitting on the couch: Jasper and Juniper on theirs, Jeffrey and Janice on a human-sized one. The humans are holding hands and cuddling.

Spencer has to kneel to get them on the couch. He fucking hates the couch. It also means he's crouching right next to Brendon, their arms brushing all the time. It's incredibly hot down here and they're both sweating.

All the Js are watching a movie. Normally Spencer loves these scenes as much as he hates the stupid couch. They're pretty awesome to play, usually. But today the few lines he has get stuck in his throat. It takes all his concentration to keep Jasper on the couch, moving along with the script.

Jasper's sitting close to Juniper, but not close enough to touch. Dallon stressed that point like a million times. "No touching," he said. "Except when it's in the script."

"I think this plot line's overdone," Jeffrey says lazily. "Everyone knows now the guy's going to turn around and see his one true love."

"Hush," Janice says. "That's the point."

"The point is," Jasper says, "to get laid."

"Sure," Juniper says. Spencer hates that line more than anything because he knows that tone of voice Brendon uses. It's the same one that Spencer's secretly dubbed _Spencer, you're being an asshole, but we've been friends for too long for me to call you out on it in front of everyone, but fuck it, get a grip on yourself_. It causes an instant surge of guilt, even though it's Juniper speaking.

Spencer will get really fucking drunk when they're done with this arc because this is fucking with his head so hard that he has no idea how he's supposed to get through these scenes.

"Come on," Jasper says. Spencer makes sure to drawl out the sound because he knows Brendon hates it. No, Spencer thinks. Juniper hates it when Jasper talks like that. "Every guy wants that."

Juniper snorts. "I will have you know," Brendon says in her falsetto, every syllable carefully enunciated, because Jasper hates that, "that there are many men in the world who are looking for love. But take care to note that when I say men, I mean real men."

Jasper crosses his arms. "They just want to get you into bed," he says. "They're lying about wanting loooooove, only because they know it'll make you easy."

"Hey, Jeffrey," Janice says. "Isn't it time for that thing?"

"Which thing?" Jeffrey asks. Spencer can't see it, but the script says that Janice gives him a look. "Oh, _that_ thing."

"Yes, that thing. Shouldn't we leave soon?"

"Yeah, yeah." There's rustling, the humans getting up. "You guys are gonna be okay, right?"

"Of course," Juniper says. "It's not like my virtue's in any real danger here."

"Oh, you wish I'd give you the time of day," Jasper says.

The humans leave. Jasper and Juniper are still on the couch. Icy silence reigns.

Spencer's hyperaware of Brendon. He thinks he can feel Brendon's heartbeat, like a steady drum, and his sweat is running into Brendon's and Spencer can't stop thinking about countless movie nights when they were arguing about stupid movie plot points just like the puppets.

The puppets keep watching the movie. And then Jasper does the most stupid and obvious move in the history of unsmooth moves: he puts his arm on the back of the couch, behind Juniper.

And this is where Ryan and Dallon and Ray and everyone else in the goddamn building is wrong, because then Juniper tilts her head to put it on Jasper's shoulder. "You're an asshole," she says, partly resigned and partly still angry.

"You love me, anyway," Jasper says.

It's a stupid scene and that's where it ends and Spencer has to get the fuck out of there. He needs to be alone.

So Spencer hides in the A/V room. It’s nice and quiet and _empty_. It’s like heaven.

It doesn't last long, though, because he's been sitting there for maybe one minute when the door opens again and someone else comes in.

"Fuck it," that someone says and Spencer recognises Brendon.

"What--?"

Brendon steps up to Spencer and he looks feverish, his cheeks red and his eyes wide. "I hope you know," he comes closer, "that all of this is an elaborate plot of our friends to get us together."

Spencer wants to say _no_ and _you're so full of it, c'mon, the two of us, that wouldn't ever work_ , but what comes out of his mouth is, "I was afraid of that."

Brendon's standing right in front of him. "Then stop being afraid and do something," he says. "Because I'm not sure how many more obvious portraits of our friendship I can take before I have to offer Ryan blowjobs to get him to write something else."

"I don't want you to offer Ryan blowjobs," Spencer says.

"Then tell me what you want," Brendon says. Instead Spencer kisses him.

It's--Spencer's kissed his fair share of people. He fucked around in college and he's not living the life of a monk. But there are a few people who he's thought about kissing so often and so obsessively. Because _Brendon's mouth_. Gabe used to deliver soliloquies about Brendon's mouth, making everyone laugh out loud and Brendon flirt with him outrageously.

But Spencer's first seen that mouth when Brendon was wearing a bright red hoodie that seemed to bring out the colour of his lips even more, when Brendon was a sophomore with a stupid haircut and awful clothes, but still the best thing that's ever happened to Brendon.

Spencer's _dreamed_ of that mouth and pretended he didn't want Brendon at all. But now it's happening and Spencer can't understand how he could have been so stupid and deprive himself of this for so long.

Brendon's lips are so soft and just made for Spencer's mouth--he bites down gently on Brendon's lower lip, sucks it into his mouth, lets his tongue run over it. He's wanted to do these things forever and now that he's doing them he almost feels faint.

Then Brendon takes charge of the kiss, twists his hand in Spencer's hair and kisses Spencer hard.

Spencer gets hard so fast he's dizzy, and he holds on to Brendon, tight grip on Brendon's hips. They fit perfectly into Spencer's hands, his fingers resting on the soft swell of Brendon's ass.

Brendon presses a kiss on the corner of Spencer's mouth, on his cheek, his chin, his jaw, then just underneath his ear. He sucks on Spencer's earlobe and Spencer's knees buckle.

"Fuck," he moans, "Brendon."

Brendon fucking bites him and Spencer wants to throw him onto the floor right then and there and rub off against him. "I knew you liked that," Brendon whispers into Spencer's ear, proud and excited and--happy. "I've wanted to do that for years."

Spencer whimpers and then he has to turn his head and suck on Brendon's neck, just where the tendon stands out.

Brendon makes this amazing sound, between a groan and a whine, and Spencer wants to hear more of it, but he wants to feel Brendon's lips even more. He puts his hand on Brendon's cheek, tilts his face so they can kiss some more.

Spencer's always thought himself a good kisser, but Brendon's fucking amazing.

"If you still want to yell at me," Ryan says dryly, "I'll be over in the break room."

Spencer startles and his instinct is to get away from Brendon, but Brendon clings to him and ends up pressed flush against Spencer.

Ryan grins at them and then walks out of the room, letting the door swing closed behind him.

"Fuck," Spencer says weakly. "He'll tell everyone."

Brendon's quiet and he doesn't look at Spencer. "Do you mind?" he asks and--Spencer's sick of this. He's so sick of wanting and denying himself and being afraid, and he's not hurting himself, he's hurting everyone around him, he's hurting Brendon, just because Spencer decided a few years ago that hooking up with Brendon would just end in heartache.

He never figured in that maybe loving Brendon and not hooking up would make him ache just as much, if not even more.

Spencer's heart's beating like crazy and he's shivering in the cool air of the A/V room, although his entire body feels hot and he's still sweating. Right now, Spencer thinks, he has to go and take a fucking chance.

Spencer takes Brendon's face into his hands and turns his chin up. Brendon's looking at him with guarded eyes, like he's already preparing himself to be rejected. It tugs on Spencer's heartstrings and he finds himself randomly thinking _I love you so fucking much that I can't breathe without you_.

"No," Spencer whispers. "I don't mind." He kisses Brendon again. Brendon's a bit stiff, still not trusting Spencer, but Spencer kisses him until Brendon wraps his arms around Spencer, holds on tightly.

They keep kissing until Frank finds them and he runs out of the room whooping and yelling, "fucking finally! Guys, it fucking worked!"

~~~***~~~

Spencer's friends love him, but they're still assholes, so they make Brendon and him go out with them to their usual bar and buy them rounds.

Spencer just wants to go home with Brendon and catch up on all the time he's lost. He hates them all and makes sure to tell them.

"You know, dear grasshopper," William says. "If you'd just given in when we started, we wouldn't make you suffer now."

"You were fucking obnoxious," Spencer says.

"Right back atcha," Ray says.

Spencer puts his head down on the table and takes a deep breath. He turns his head to the side and glares at them. Patrick's taken Brendon to the other end of the table, so Spencer can't even play footsie with Brendon. His friends all suck.

"How exactly is my wishing for your instant death going to be rewarding for any of you?" Spencer asks. "Wouldn't it make much more sense to, for example, let Brendon and me go home and reap the fruits of your match-making?"

Gerard giggles. Lindsey just grins. "No," she says. "If it had been match-making, yes. But we had to make you see what was right in front of you. No match-making required."

"True love," Gerard says dreamily. Spencer suspects that those fumes from the paints must have gone to his head. Being a stage designer has its drawbacks.

"Oh, shut up," Spencer mutters.

"Hey, he's turning into the Grinch," Pete calls up the table. "How's it looking on your end?"

Greta grins. "He's bouncing his leg so hard the entire table is shaking."

"Oh my god, does that mean you're gonna let us go?" Brendon sounds kind of desperate. Spencer knows exactly how he feels.

Gabe leans back in his seat. "But it was just starting to be fun!"

"Gabe," Spencer says in his best I'm-gonna-kill-you-slowly-and-in-a-very-painful-manner voice.

Pete laughs loudly. "Okay, let's release them."

Spencer almost knocks over the table when he stands up. He does hit his knee, but he doesn't care. He just wants to get the fuck out of here. He throws down money to pay for their tab and then he grabs Brendon. Better to get out fast while they still can. It's totally possible that Pete will send Gabe and Ray to catch them again, and Spencer's done.

Their entire table laughs, but Spencer doesn't care because Brendon's smiling at him. "Don't get arrested for public indecency!" Frank calls.

"No," Brendon calls back over his shoulder. "We leave that for you and Gee!"

"It was one time!" Gerard yells.

Spencer waves to the table. "I promise not to get arrested," he says. "Good bye, please get drunk and have horrible hang-overs tomorrow."

Then he tows Brendon out of the pub and he doesn't let up until he reaches his car.

"Hey, stop for a second, will you?" Brendon's flushed, but he looks happy. He pushes Spencer against the car and kisses him softly.

"Hey," Spencer whispers back. "My place?"

Brendon laughs and nods. "Your place's closer," he says.

"It's why I want to go there," Spencer says. "Now, preferably."

"I'm gonna drive," Brendon says. Brendon drives like the devil. Ever since that fateful road trip on their senior year spring break, Spencer's had a strict policy of not letting Brendon drive. He hands over the keys without saying a word.

~~~***~~~

They make out against Spencer's front door. It's not the most romantic place--there are Spencer's hiking shoes and the umbrella he never actually bothers to take with him on the few occasions when it's raining; Brendon bumps against the small cabinet Spencer's got there for random shit, but mostly so he can put his keys on top of it. But they kiss and it's amazing and Spencer forgets everything.

But then Spencer's back starts to hurt and his knees are complaining. "I have a bed," he whispers against Brendon's neck. "It's right down that hall."

"I know that," Brendon says. "You gonna take me there?"

"I'll even carry you," Spencer says.

Brendon giggles and then he wraps his arms around Spencer's leg. "Show me."

He's still giggling when Spencer sets him down on his bed. "Any more tricks you want to show me?"

Spencer drops to his knees and Brendon hiccups, the laughter getting stuck in his throat. He's looking at Spencer wide-eyed. Spencer grins up at him. "You don't know how many times I've fantasised about doing this," he says.

Spencer pushes Brendon's shirt out of the way and pop open the button on Brendon's jeans. "I wondered what you'd taste like," he says as he undoes the zipper. "What you'd smell like."

Brendon whimpers. "Please," he says. He pulls his shirt off and leans back on the bed to push his jeans off.

Spencer mouths Brendon's cock through his underwear. There's a tiny wet spot where Brendon's leaked through the it.

"Fuck," Brendon says. "If you keep doing that, I'm not gonna last long."

"Don't worry, we can have another round later," Spencer says. He carefully slips his fingers under the waistband of Brendon's underwear and slips it down. Brendon's cock's beautiful, the head flushed read, the vein on the underside prominent and a glittering shine on the top.

Spencer wants Brendon so much. He swallows down Brendon's cock without further ado, enjoying Brendon's strangled cry.

Brendon tastes pretty fantastic, too. Spencer thinks he could do this for the rest of his life and ever get tired of it. He runs his fingers over Brendon's thigh and fondles his balls. When he presses against Brendon's perineum, Brendon gasps and involuntarily spreads his legs.

Spencer whimpers around Brendon's cock. He's so fucking hard, and Brendon makes all these delicious sounds. He also wasn't kidding--he's already leaking copiously and his hands are tight in the sheets, like he's concentrating on not coming with every fibre of his being.

Well, Spencer thinks, challenge accepted. He starts to bob his head and keeps pressing against Brendon's perineum, alternately scratching it lightly.

Brendon comes within two minutes with a strangled cry. He now has his hands buried in Spencer's hair.

"Spencer," Brendon breathes and pats Spencer's hair. "Fuck."

"Soon," Spencer says. He feels elated--now that he's decided to do this, to be with Brendon, he feels a new kind of confidence. "Quite soon."

Brendon pulls Spencer up on top of himself and he wraps his legs around Spencer's waist. Spencer's cock rubbing against Brendon's ass.

"Fuck." Spencer presses his face against Brendon's neck. "I'm not sure I can hold out long enough to fuck you."

Brendon laughs deeply. "I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Were you kidding about that second round?"

"No," Spencer says roughly. He kisses Brendon and experimentally thrusts. They both moan when Spencer's cock drags over Brendon's balls and hits his perineum.

"Do that again," Brendon says. "Come on, Spence."

Spencer's hips move on their own accord--it's like they would rather obey Brendon's commands than Spencer's. Once he starts, Spencer can't stop rubbing off against Brendon, who whispers all sorts of dirty sweet things into his ear.

"I want you to fuck me," Brendon says. "I want to feel you inside me and I want to feel you come."

Spencer whimpers. "Bren," he gasps.

"I want you to come on my face, too," Brendon says next.

"Do you want to kill me?" Spencer thrusts hard against Brendon.

"I want you to mark me up and kiss me until my lips are swollen and red." Brendon kisses Spencer's temple. "I want you to make me dinner and then cover me in whipped cream and lick it off me."

"Anything," Spencer whispers. "I'll do anything for you."

"Spence," Brendon says. He bites Spencer's earlobe again, just before he whispers, "Come on, come for me."

Spencer comes so hard he actually blacks out. When he comes to, Brendon's managed to put him into bed the proper way and pulled the blankets over them.

"Hey," Spencer says quietly.

Brendon smiles at him. "Hey," he says.

Spencer kisses him softly and thinks, _I fucking love you_.

The second round, it turns out, is even better than the first.

~~~***~~~

"Just like his daddy," Jasper says loudly--too loudly.

"Shut up, you'll wake up Jordan," Juniper says sternly. She's holding a tiny baby, Jody. Brendon took it upon himself to make Jordan and he dithered forever about what kind of colour the clothes should be. They made the baby's name a unisex name on purpose, so blue and pink was out of the question. But should it be yellow or green? Could they maybe go with black?

In the end Spencer had made him decide by whatever colour Victoria's nail polish was that day.

Spencer makes Jasper cower. "Sorry," he whispers and he leans down to pat the baby. "Sorry, baby."

Juniper sighs. "I love you, you stupid git," Brendon says in her falsetto.

"I love you, too," Jasper says.

~~~***~~~

And that's how the story ends:

Brendon moves in with Spencer. Spencer's got the bigger house and lives closer to work after all. They want kids, but they're still too young, so for now they have a puppet baby and a puppy. It works for them.


End file.
